Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
