When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
