I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
you inspire me to be a worse person
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
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