I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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