Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
