so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
