I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
