check it out our google latitudes are spooning
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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