I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
