Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
