Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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