i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
