Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
