FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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