help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
