I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
