not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My penis needs a shock collar
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize