You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
