I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
