I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
