i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
