I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I think my fart just growled at me.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
