Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
