I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
