I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
