You're completely useless in the revolution.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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