I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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