I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Randomize
