So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
