is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
