there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
