Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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