I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
