My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
