he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
