yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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