My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
