found the other keg... it's in the tree
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
