Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize