Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize