Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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