For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
