alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
