She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
We are all done wearing pants today
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize