It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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