i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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