...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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