I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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