Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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