His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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