Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
