Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
