He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
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