Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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