I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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