I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Randomize
