I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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