It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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