Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
