there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
