We won't sleep together?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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