He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
