The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
