i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
