So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
