Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize