who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
