I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
