It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
