I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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