Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
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