You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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