where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize