took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
