I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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