So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
