dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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