i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
