Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
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