no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
