don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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