i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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