I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
