Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
