Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I checked into jail on foursquare
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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