I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
