yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
