question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
