There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize
