it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize