I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You're a waste of cheezeits
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
