Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
jump out the window naked night went bad
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