ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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