in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Randomize
