When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I am one with the molecules
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
