grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Randomize
