Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
This baby is an asshole
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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