she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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