Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
