Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
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