Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
