So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize