Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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